Linked here are our authors’ attempts at writing for stage or screen!
ELIZABETH FESSLER:
Murder Mystery Gone Wrong
10:32 PM
Setting: Murder mystery party in a giant ballroom, people scattered, roaming about in fancy costumes and glamorous dresses. A commotion comes from the garden, and everyone rushes outside into the cool air. BEATRICE, host of the party, lies dead on the ground.
JACK: Beatrice! Oh, my beautiful wife! No, no, no, you can’t be dead!
(JACK drops to his knees and takes his limp wife into his arms, tears in his eyes. DETECTIVE CRANE stands next to him.)
DETECTIVE CRANE: Jack, she’s gone; there’s nothing you can do about it.
JACK: No, my Beatrice can’t leave me alone in this world. She was so excited to throw this party for our anniversary tonight; this can’t be happening right now.
DETECTIVE CRANE: Jack, Beatrice is dead.
JACK: Who did this to her? Who killed her?
(JACK stands up and spins around, pointing accusingly. The GUESTS gathered around take a step back with their hands up, saying, No, not me, it wasn’t me, etc.)
DETECTIVE CRANE: Well, no one is leaving until we figure out who did this to Beatrice. Better to fess up now than lie about it for something worse in the end.
(DETECTIVE CRANE cracks his knuckles and smirks at the GUESTS. No one steps forward.)
DETECTIVE CRANE: Fine, I guess we’ll just have to do this the hard way…
8:15 PM
Setting: Murder mystery party at BEATRICE and JACK’S house. The party setup is just being finished, and the GUESTS are now arriving. BEATRICE and JACK are welcoming the GUESTS at the door.
BEATRICE: Caroline! Christopher! Thank you so much for coming! It is so good to see you again!
(BEATRICE and CAROLINE embrace.)
CAROLINE: Beatrice! It’s been way too long! Congratulations on your anniversary!
CHRISTOPHER: How many years is it for you guys? 50 right?
(CAROLINE slaps CHRISTOPHER jokingly. JACK laughs at the scene.)
CAROLINE: Christopher! What he means is, congrats, we are so happy for you.
JACK: Thank you, Caroline.
CHRISTOPHER: Come on, Caroline, let’s get something to drink; I’m thirsty.
9:00 PM
Setting: All of the GUESTS have arrived; everyone has their character, and the game will soon begin. A buffet is on the side of the room, and the GUESTS have started eating.
BEATRICE: Jack, let’s find Caroline and Christopher; I want to sit with them tonight.
JACK: Ok, but we should get some food first.
(BEATRICE and JACK get their food and find the table where CAROLINE and CHRISTOPHER are sitting.)
CAROLINE: I am really impressed with what you guys are doing tonight, Beatrice; everything looks amazing!
BEATRICE: Thank you! I am so excited for this!
CAROLINE: Me too, I can’t wait!
9:55 PM
Setting: All of the GUESTS have finished their food, and some people are standing up and walking around.
JACK: I think it’s time to start. I’ll be right back.
(JACK walks to the front of the room, holding a glass to make a toast.)
JACK: Can I have your attention, please? I would like to dedicate tonight to my wife Beatrice and our wonderful marriage. To many more years of happiness together.
(JACK makes the toast, and everyone claps and cheers.)
JACK: Now, the game has begun, and everyone will assume their roles.
(The GUESTS stand up and start moving around, playing their characters. CHRISTOPHER notices DETECTIVE CRANE standing alone in the corner, and he walks over to him.)
CHRISTOPHER: Hey, Detective, how’s it going?
DETECTIVE CRANE: I’m doing great, Christopher. How ‘bout you?
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I’m great too.
DETECTIVE CRANE: So who are you tonight?
CHRISTOPHER: Oh, I’m the butler in the mansion. Who are you?
DETECTIVE CRANE: Believe it or not, I’m the detective. That’s great for me because I actually am a detective.
CHRISTOPHER: Nice. Well, I’m no detective, but that couple over there looks really suspicious. They keep whispering; I think they’re up to something.
DETECTIVE CRANE: Yeah, whatever. They might be the killers here, but we just started this murder mystery. The real mastermind here is a lot smarter than that; they wouldn’t let themselves get caught right away. They would want to be the least suspicious one here so that no one would assume it is them.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, you’re probably right. I should find Caroline. Nice to see you.
DETECTIVE CRANE: Nice to see you, Christopher.
(As CHRISTOPHER walks away, DETECTIVE CRANE pulls out an index card with his identity on it.)
DETECTIVE CRANE: Hm. Interesting.
(DETECTIVE CRANE flips a tiny vial in his hand and smirks.)
10:27 PM
Setting: BEATRICE and JACK are talking to some GUESTS. Beatrice walks over to get a glass of water.
DETECTIVE CRANE: Here you go, Beatrice. Here’s a glass of water. It is getting a little stuffy in here, don’t you think?
BEATRICE: Yes, I just needed some water to clear my mind and help me think. Thank you.
(BEATRICE walks back over to JACK and continues in the conversation for a few minutes.)
BEATRICE: Jack, I’m feeling a little dizzy; I think I’m going to go outside and get some fresh air. I’ll be right back.
JACK: Okay, I’ll be here when you’re feeling better.
(BEATRICE walks out to the garden and leans up against a tree, breathing heavily.)
BEATRICE: Jack!
(BEATRICE whispers hoarsely as she falls to the ground.)
JACK: Beatrice, are you out here? I think that we should ask about the … Beatrice!
10:40 PM
Setting: BEATRICE lies dead in the garden, and the JACK and DETECTIVE CRANE are trying to figure out who killed her. All of the GUESTS are outside.
DETECTIVE CRANE: Interrogation time. Right now, all of you are suspects. You, you’re first; come with me.
(DETECTIVE CRANE points at a random GUEST. Then he interrogates the rest of the GUESTS.)
DETECTIVE CRANE: Hey, Jack, can I talk to you for a minute?
JACK: Seriously? You know I didn’t kill my own wife!
DETECTIVE CRANE: Yeah, yeah, I know. I just want to ask you a few questions.
JACK: Fine, whatever.
DETECTIVE CRANE: Do you have any idea of how this happened? Did you see someone acting suspiciously?
JACK: No, I have no idea who did this to her! But I do know that no one laid a hand on her. Someone must have poisoned her drink or something because she wasn’t beaten up and she doesn’t have any cuts or gashes.
DETECTIVE CRANE: Good to know; I’ll have to check that out. This murder mystery party is a little too realistic.
JACK: Tell me about it.
(DETECTIVE CRANE walks over to CHRISTOPHER.)
DETECTIVE CRANE: Christopher, are you sure that you don’t have any information? Can I check your pockets really quickly?
CHRISTOPHER: Yes, I’m sure! I was literally inside the whole time! Here, you can check me, but I’m warning you: you won’t find anything.
(DETECTIVE CRANE checks him, but finds nothing.)
DETECTIVE CRANE: Looks like you’re all clear; sorry about that.
CHRISTOPHER: You know what’s strange, Detective? Everyone here has been thoroughly questioned and searched, everyone except you.
DETECTIVE CRANE: No, no, it couldn’t be me. I’m a detective; why would I want to harm Beatrice? I have done nothing wrong here.
CHRISTOPHER: But didn’t you say the person acting the least suspiciously is the one who committed the crime? You said the mastermind watches the scene unfold while people blame each other and find a scapegoat. That’s what you’re doing right now! You’re trying to convince everyone that one of us killed Beatrice so that you could escape the blame!
DETECTIVE CRANE: What are you talking about! I didn’t do this to her; you’ve got it all wrong.
(DETECTIVE CRANE slowly starts to step backward towards the exit.)
CHRISTOPHER: No, I think I’ve got it all right. You won’t get away from this.
(CHRISTOPHER runs and tackles DETECTIVE CRANE before he gets away, and then he searches his pockets. He finds the bottle that had the poison.)
CHRISTOPHER: Aha! Look what I found! This is probably a lethal amount of poison that you poured into her water! I’ll send this to my boss for analysis, and then we will decide what to do next.
DETECTIVE CRANE: Your boss, and who might that be, the mailman?
(DETECTIVE CRANE scoffs at CHRISTOPHER.)
CHRISTOPHER: No, actually, I work for the FBI.
(The color drains from DETECTIVE CRANE’S face as CHRISTOPHER smirks and pulls out his badge and ID.)
CHRISTOPHER: Anything you’d like to say now, Detective?
DETECTIVE CRANE: That … I … I … it’s not my poison! Someone framed me! That wasn’t there before!
CHRISTOPHER: Nice try, but we already checked the security footage, and we saw you with that same bottle twice. The first was actually right after I had a conversation with you; you decided to play with it and flaunt it around. The second was, coincidentally, ten minutes before Beatrice went outside fatigued, when you gave her a glass of water. We have video evidence of you pouring the liquid from that bottle into the glass you gave Beatrice! You killed her!
DETECTIVE CRANE: Whatever, maybe I did, just get me out of this place.
CHRISTOPHER: Oh, I will. You are coming with me.
(CHRISTOPHER pulls out handcuffs and cuffs DETECTIVE CRANE’S hands behind his back.)
The Next Day – 11:00 AM
Setting: JACK and CHRISTOPHER are talking in the living room at JACK’S house.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, I did some searching, and apparently “Detective Crane” has attempted this kind of stuff before, going by a different detective name every time. He starts chaos, then “solves” the mystery to get some money, steals from people, and then disappears again to another place.
JACK: I honestly don’t know how he even got into the party; he wasn’t invited!
CHRISTOPHER: Look, I’m really sorry, but you have to move on and put your next foot forward; you and I both know that’s what Beatrice would want you to do.
JACK: Thanks, Christopher. You know, I wouldn’t have been able to solve this without you. It really means a lot to me, everything you do.
CHRISTOPHER: Of course, Jack. Next time you have a party or need me to solve a mystery, let me know, and I’ll be there. Let’s just hope it won’t go as wrong as this one.
ETHAN SCHAFER:
ANNIE HEWITT: