Immigrating is horrible, for me at least(?)
By: Vienna Cabaneros
Disclaimer; this article is subjective; all I’m saying is based on my experience and feelings from when it all happened.
Now you might be wondering (or not) how and why I came to the United States in the first place. It all started when my grandfather filed an Immigrant petition for me and my dad. It actually took 14 years to be approved, so it was 2005 when he filed the petition, and it got approved sometime in 2019. Unfortunately, having it approved is not enough, so we had to prepare tons of documents, like medical documents and proof of relativity to the one who filed the petition. We also needed some kind of tax paper from the relative we would be living with when we arrived in the United States. There was so much more that I don’t even remember, because I was only 14 years old back then.
After getting all the documents we needed, we then had to file an interview appointment at the U.S. embassy in Manila, Philippines. The questions they asked me weren’t really that difficult since I was only 14, so they only had to confirm if I spoke and knew English. It usually takes 7 – 12 days to get the results of whether we failed or passed the interview, so after like a week we received the results that we had passed. Now here’s the thing, there are two kinds of interviews; Immigrant visa interviews and Tourist visa interviews. An Immigrant Visa is for people who intend to stay in the United States permanently, but you have to get a Green Card to stay there legally. On the other hand, a Tourist Visa is for vacation and will only let you stay in the United States for 6 months.
Anyways, it was April 5th, 2019 when I got to the United States for the first time. I wasn’t expecting to stay for good back then, because I heard my dad talking to my mom about getting me a Re-entry Permit as soon as I got my Green card. A re-entry permit allows a U.S. resident (a green card holder) to go abroad for a max of 2 years. It’s purpose is to prove that the person does not intend to abandon their status as a permanent resident here in the United States. There is also a high chance of getting fined for staying abroad for more than 6 months without having a Re-entry permit ready. I don’t remember how long it took me to receive my re-entry permit, but I eventually got it before I returned to the Philippines.
Fast forward to 2021, 2 years had passed, and I had to come back to the United States because my re-entry permit was about to expire. It was September 1st when I arrived in the United States for the second time from the Philippines. But this time, I have to stay here for good. I was so anxious about coming back here, and was having a lot of mixed emotions. I didn’t want to leave the Philippines because it’s my comfort place, always has been. I didn’t want to leave my mom, because I knew she’d be lonely. My mom couldn’t go with us because the petition my grandpa filed was only for me and my dad, and during that time, my mom didn’t have the same last name as my dad, which made it difficult to file her petition at the same time. Her papers are still being processed by the US embassy at the moment, and there’s no guarantee that she’d be able to come the United States this year or even next year.
The hardest thing for me was leaving my entire life behind. I didn’t want to leave my friends because I am the most me when I’m with them. Most importantly, I didn’t wanna leave my cat. It was the most difficult thing for me to face before actually leaving my country. I had a really hard time sleeping the night before the flight, because I was thinking about what was going to happen to Luna (my cat) when I’m gone. I mean– I’m aware that my mom will take care of Luna, but Ican’t help being worried for her. I’m worried that she would look for me in the house without knowing I left the country. We would always sleep together, and it bothered me what she’d think after I’d gone. I was most worried for her because she has no idea I’m leaving for good. I even explained to Luna that I would be leaving her, and that my mom will take good care of her, even though she probably doesn’t understand a word I’m saying. It was just all sadness.
Now don’t be discouraged on what I’m about to say, but I wasn’t excited to be back in the United States at all. In fact, I was really nervous. I knew that I’d be going to school as soon as I came back, and I was right; 5 days after I got here the first day of school started, making me even more anxious and nervous. It was too much for me to handle all the changes, mentally and physically, but I managed. Mentally, I had to accept that I am here and there was no turning back. I had no other choice but to deal with how sad I was and go to school with all those burdens. Physically, I had to adjust to the weather, language, surroundings, time, people, culture, and the way the education system here works.
The first 4 months were the most difficult for me. I had to adjust to almost everything, and the language barrier was one of my larger problems. You see, my writing English is completely different from my spoken English, because in writing I have more time to think on what I’m going to say. My spoken English on the other hand is broken, to me at least (or maybe I just self-sabotage myself too much to the point where I criticize almost everything I do). Anyways, those first four months in the United States were my shift months. My life was a little bit easier to carry on somewhere starting January or February (but I’m still worried about the cat; she’s doing so okay btw). I will probably have to write another article about how my situation got better, and I’ll try to have more positive and not depressing moments in it (unlike this article).
In conclusion, immigrating, without actually wanting to be in that country, is grueling. I know I’ll have more opportunities in life here in the United States, despite the fact that I didn’t want to be here. There are some things one has to ignore for the sake of their own future, and I had to ignore what I wanted and didn’t want to do just for the sake of “that future.”
A picture of me and my cat the day I left the Philippines <3
Her, few nights before my flight, (she isn’t taking a poopoo, she was just checking my baggage before i started packing)
